My Faith is Weak

I'm not even sure where my doubts lie, but I know I have them. I know I have them because I know the fear I encounter when I contemplate thinking about them or trying to come up with answers for them. I am scared of  following through on my doubt and being overcome by the seductive appeal of agnosticism or some vague form of theism. I want to be a believer, but how genuine am I if I have to ignore my doubts in order to keep "believing"? - Sounds more like ignorance than belief to me. 

I know I need to deal with the doubt sometime. I need to trust that God, who made me and knows me, will guard me from the fate I fear. He is invested in me and wants to bring me to completion rather than toss me aside as a partially refined precious metal. The hard part is that in my moments of unbelief, I don't know if there is a God there to trust. 

When I fear there is no God (or some other distant god who I don't know) then there is no one I can trust to protect me from running away with my doubts. I must protect and defend myself. But if I do indeed need to protect myself, then my beliefs about God, as I currently know Him, are wrong, and I am not looking to protect myself at that point, but to keep myself misinformed. I guess logic says: If God exists as I currently know Him, then He will protect me from false beliefs (theism, agnosticism, heresy, etc.). However, If God as I currently know Him does not exist, then there is no need for protection. In either case, I do not need to defend myself from exploring the doubt and finding answers. 

It would help, though, to know what my questions are. I used to be certain that my doubts were about the historical Jesus, now I'm not sure. I'll have to think/pray about this one....then I/we (me & Jesus) can start addressing them. I'm actually excited to finally start the process!