My God Does Supply (from previous blog)

Today has been one of those "blah" days. I wasnt as happy as I usually am and I think its just because I've had a lot on my mind lately. This morning in church we sang that song "All of You is more than enough for all of me". sorry. I dont know the real title. It brought to mind a whole bunch of thoughts. First I wondered why so many times I dont behave like God is all I need. I act so discontent over little things. He will provide for me and I know that, but even if He doesnt give me everything I think I need, its ok because the only thing I really do need is Him. Even though I know this, my behaviors just dont seem to line up. 

Recently I've been thinking a lot about school and guys. Probably 90% of my time within the past 2 months has been spent thinking about those two things alone. That's ridiculous. School has been pretty straight forward. "I'll study some, God, then will you please help me get an A?" So I do the work and I occasionally get the grade I was hoping for and its not too big of a problem. 

Unfortunately, guys are much more complicated than school. I've felt the need recently to have a boyfriend who will hopefully in the not too distant future become my husband. For whatever reason, I've struggled more with this issue than any other. I'm not necessarily worried that God wont give me someone eventually, but I have been really impatient lately. By not completely giving this up to God, I'm basically telling Him that He's not all I need. If I'm having this hard of a time allowing God to be in control of my life, I hardly think I'm ready to be dating someone. I really hate that idea. A pastor of mine once said that the only reason for marriage is when a man and woman can each serve God more effectively together than separately. I need to make serving God the desire of my heart and then will everything else fall into place. That is where He wants me to be so I'm sure with His help, I can get there. Meanwhile, I'll be praying for patience.

My Self has Changed Since Then... (from previous blog)

Hello to whoever's reading this, So I've never done a blog (at least a non political one) or whatever this is before but I guess I'll start. I dont actually know what I'm supposed to write about so here's something that's been on my mind recently....

Lately, I've been really irritated with what I'm seeing in movies and on tv. The vast majority of movies and shows are completely devoid of any real meaning. I understand that not all tv falls into this category, but I cant seem to find any justification for watching most things. Although it wasnt long ago that television occupied the majority of my spare time, I just cant understand sitting down to waste an hour or two of my time while exposing myself to violence, sex, and profanity...and that doesnt even cover half of it. 

If I count up all the hours each week I spend watching tv/movies, I'd probably come up with a number somewhere in the vecinity of 5-8 hrs. Wow. It doesnt even feel like I watch much and I certainly watched much more in the past, but still, that's a lot of time. What a waste! ...and then I complain about not having enough time. no time for God. no time for family. no time for school. For whatever reason, I allow tv to completely rearrange my priorities and in doing so I become preoccupied with even more things that shouldnt be on my mind. 

Here's the part that really bothers me about tv. The images and words I allow myself to see and hear are going to remain in my memory for a very long time. I have images in my head from movies I saw 10 years ago. Is Hollywood's portrayal of life really what I want to be feeding myself? I was so frustrated by this a few years ago that I made a commitment not to watch television or movies for a year. I lasted one month. I'm not a big fan of making promises I cant keep so I'm not gonna make another commitment like that one. But this is seriously having a negative effect on my thoughts. 

Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8 to think about things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, virtuous, and praiseworthy. Right now I'm really struggling with that and I'm not even sure how to handle it. I'm not as close to God as I should be and right now it feels really obvious.