Today (or yesterday technically) wasn't really the best day ever. I spent the whole day in fairly deep thought and confusion about God, guys, and myself. But I got to talk to a few people about it and I'm feeling okay now. I somehow had the idea in my head that at some point in my life God would be finished working on me. But that is ridiculous since I never honestly believed that I would be perfect, at least while I'm living on this earth. I kind of felt that I couldn't do anything until He was finished molding me into what He wants me to be. Now, I think I understand more clearly.
I was once told that if you aren't moving forward in your relationship with God, you must be moving backwards. At the time, I thought this was totally ridiculous. But not anymore. I now think that it's not the being perfect that is the important thing; its the willingness to try. As long as I'm striving to be Christ-like, that's what matters. As long as I'm moving forward, that's where God wants me to be.
I'm never going to be perfect and I can't use that as an excuse to lock myself in my bedroom and never be used by God. God uses those who are willing. That's what I want. I want to be open to whatever God has for me. I don't want to be scared of what that is. I don't want to try to control what happens in my life. The Lord will provide.
Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. - Psalm 37:3-5
So here's the cool part. God is going to give me the desires of my heart...AWESOME!!! But there's a catch. I have to find my delight in the Lord. I need to stop being so focused on myself. I need to trust Him and love Him with all that I am.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. - Romans 12:2
So I think this is how to accomplish this. I need to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. When my desires align with His will for my life then He will give me the desires of my heart. Here's where I need to be. I need to be in constant prayer that God will take my will and conform it to His.
Talking to God is my first step. This is tough for me. Sometimes I feel like the desire to talk to God just isn't there. I hate feeling that way. I want to desire that. So what happens when I just don't want to pray? Do I just start moving backwards in my relationship with God? I asked a friend this question earlier today and I got a really awesome response. "NO! You pray anyways." I don't have to want to pray. I don't have to want to read the Bible. I just have do it.
Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” - John 8:31,32
Jesus didn't tell them anything about wanting to abide in His word. They just needed to do it. In the same way, I need to persevere in prayer. I need to be willing and God will give me the desires of my heart.
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