Today has been one of those "blah" days. I wasnt as happy as I usually am and I think its just because I've had a lot on my mind lately. This morning in church we sang that song "All of You is more than enough for all of me". sorry. I dont know the real title. It brought to mind a whole bunch of thoughts. First I wondered why so many times I dont behave like God is all I need. I act so discontent over little things. He will provide for me and I know that, but even if He doesnt give me everything I think I need, its ok because the only thing I really do need is Him. Even though I know this, my behaviors just dont seem to line up.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about school and guys. Probably 90% of my time within the past 2 months has been spent thinking about those two things alone. That's ridiculous. School has been pretty straight forward. "I'll study some, God, then will you please help me get an A?" So I do the work and I occasionally get the grade I was hoping for and its not too big of a problem.
Unfortunately, guys are much more complicated than school. I've felt the need recently to have a boyfriend who will hopefully in the not too distant future become my husband. For whatever reason, I've struggled more with this issue than any other. I'm not necessarily worried that God wont give me someone eventually, but I have been really impatient lately. By not completely giving this up to God, I'm basically telling Him that He's not all I need. If I'm having this hard of a time allowing God to be in control of my life, I hardly think I'm ready to be dating someone. I really hate that idea. A pastor of mine once said that the only reason for marriage is when a man and woman can each serve God more effectively together than separately. I need to make serving God the desire of my heart and then will everything else fall into place. That is where He wants me to be so I'm sure with His help, I can get there. Meanwhile, I'll be praying for patience.
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